THANKFUL
09.30.03 (12:04 pm) [edit]I'm thankful allan is OK. He almost got into a car accident yesterday morning after working a grave yard shift. It really scared him and freaked him out. It didn't really hit me till night time and well I just really stared to cry a lot and realize. It's different when you break up and loose someone because they are still there and physically alive. But when someone gets into an accident. Life just stops right there. I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
Gosh people are so rude. I hate this lady here at work she does nutrition counseling. She's such a snot. I know I'm a receptionist but it's really better to ask me to do certain things nicely instead of being sarcastic ERRRRRRR!
i'm juss tired
09.29.03 (1:40 am) [edit]i'm listening to *snoop dogg feat pharell - beautiful... why coz of an inside joke i know!!! hahaha only for me. yeh, yeh, i know i haven't been here in a long while. i've been really busy with work, learning new things and just getting certain things in order. my minds a mess right now. with everything going on in my life. i juss need to go, go FAR away. i've been decived. really i have. i'm so hurt. errrr why do i even bother. i knew she was like this juss too much drama. i can't believe life for me has change so drastically (did i spell that right?) i knew it would eventually happen. i just never tought it would happen to me. grrrrrrr.... now i wish my time was spent better. i guess life is an endless battle. when one thing gets better the other juss kinda sulks away. i guess two things can't be your survival at the same time. life is full of choices. i wish i was old and i didn't have any or too much choices to make. juss what medication to take. maybe i'm the crazy one. NAH! i don't think so. i've done my best. she's the one messed up... she made me hate her... i'm so happy my family is around, im so happy we get along, i'm so happy they love my BF, i'm so happy they've always been there. im so happy i have allan. maybe, im the only one who's happy for me... not even her!
but anyways... besides that, im fine! NO ONE CAN HOLD ME DOWN!
i fell asleep.. Allan juss called.... now i can't sleep.
DSL or cable
09.25.03 (1:35 pm) [edit]i'm tired, my nose is stuffy and i feel so sick... im here at work waiting for my lunch to roll around and i just want to go eat pho. that stuffs really good especially if you got a cold. oh yeah it's on... hhah ha hhhaa
me and allan are still deciding on cable w/internet or DSL... we're leaning more towards DSL juss coz it cheaper and we can juss get cable for the house. i dunno we'll. we got a fine we have to pay for first.
but, i will be back to write more...juss been really tired and busy!
frens....
09.23.03 (12:20 pm) [edit]Have you ever felt like you knew someone a long, long time ago? Another place, another time, a friendship of the souls? Two people who share a bond for reasons neither know, A feeling that they were friends, a long, long time ago? Did they stumble onto each other by pure circumstance, Or was it fate and destiny that played a certain hand? Two souls intertwined, they are worlds apart, But the soul, it knows no difference, in matters of the heart. Somehow they are drawn together, fate has brought them back, Each living worlds apart, they journey separate paths. When this life is over, and a new life begins, Their souls will find each other, two souls that we call friends.
frens geez, tell me about all this... i have only one fren from high school that's still really around. but she's in another state. allan is my fren too. my other bess fren. i have the people around me that i consult with and talk to. makes you wonder who's gonna be around it the future.
im bAAAAAAAAck!
09.22.03 (8:20 pm) [edit]HMMMMM….me and allan are contemplating on getting DSL. it's better that actually using the dial-up that we have, but i was thinking then, now, i will have my own internet service and e-mail. but i have already gotten one that's pretty much what i use and everyone knows it. i dont want to go through the hassel of telling everybody what my new e-mail address is and what if we can't pay the phone bill later errrrrr.... but anyways... we'll see what's going on. i guess we juss have to make sure everything is paid for first.
we just got back from california this morning. didn't really sleep till about 3 am. juss coz we were up doing stuff. i came home and there were 2 packages sitting at my door and i don't know if they were just left there or if my manager out them there. that urks me. whats if some one juss took em. we'll see, i'm going to call her and ask. our trip was kool. nice to get away from here sometimes. i met more of my BF's family and i think he was really happy to see his family. now, it's his turn. we're planning another trip juss to my family actually to get my braces done. :P
i'm juss so tired and well i dunno, it was my fault that i went to bed early but over the weekend we've been sleeping really late and well i wanted to stay up with my boyfriend, while he kicked it with his frens. over all he told me he was happy to see everybody.
BILLS bills BILLS.... i got too much of them :!:
peaches and creamy mint....
09.17.03 (8:53 pm) [edit]musik loadin' is -- mary j feat method man - love at first sight
why am i jammin' to this? i like the beats and reminds me of allan.
i changed my layout to a lighter color. i'm likin it! it's nice not to stick with the same color scheme. this is a lilttle bit less blinding.
Ever wonder why things happen in your life that just makes you go crazy and cry everyday! the things people do to you make you want to stop breathing. sometimes i cant even help anybody else because of the situations i go through. i want to be left alone yet i'm cryin for help. what's going on with me. yet what are you suppose to do when things are going great and those things are suddenly not so great. people take advantage of you and you watch them slowly go back to the way they use to be. you hear the words that people say and you think wow i've heard that somewhere before. u really wonder about people's words if they have been telling you what the truth is. again some people are BI POLAR and don't even know it... errrrggghhh! i've been around so much people since i was in middle school and high school and my life after and you know those poeple aren't there anymore... only a few of them are still around. some people have moved out, some poeple have still stayed in the same place and haven't done anything with their life. AND the sad thing is that some people will never advance and they think they are. maybe everybody needs to take a pill to calm them down. sometimes, friendships are broken and then put back together. you know i shouldn't have to hide...
this weekend me and allan are goin to cali... i'm happy juss waiting to get away for a while with my babes...
mornings
09.16.03 (8:09 pm) [edit]it's 9 am and here i am finally writing on my blog. i haven't been on the computer with all the stuff that's going on. sometimes it's too much to actually write about it. so why even have a blog? errrr too much that makes me wanna be upset, u really want me to go over that those emotions again no, i don't think so. the world doesn't need to know everything. i'm the type of person who needs to juss resolve my problem before all the crying and headache.
this weekend is juss to much, everthing started out fine and things kinda shambled. i swear someone hates me and juss wishes bad things on me and you know what, it's possible! friday was my payday my money went to buying tickets for me and allan to go to california and saturday, after work, we paid the cell phone bill, went to mall and went to eat at zoopa w/ christina, nana and josh. and i dicovered that they're building an olive garden by the mall and it's about time. i like that place. sunday i went to hula and did my normal stuff and allan decided to work a grave yard shift.
my knees hurt. hhhe hehh hee we're gonna look for new apartments.... i gotta get this thing going so i can extra money. i think i'm gonna work a second job. i need the extra money for extra things. but that means no time for anything. that sucks!
i need to locked up in a room and juss scream!!!
bein alone
09.15.03 (12:39 am) [edit]what i'm listening to... "ginuwine -- differences"
and why...sometimes... i'm always alone. i'll always be alone. maybe i'm stupid sometimes...i dunno whats wrong with me. i don't know what to do anymore. i can't explain what i feel. maybe things aren't always gonna be perfect. maybe no one will ever understand me. maybe i'll always be played for a fool. maybe things are juss meant to be like this for me all the time and i'll always be alone no matter what
crazy in love
09.14.03 (3:40 pm) [edit]i'm jammin' to beyonce feat jay-z - crazy in love
why? because...
i don't care what anyone says, me and allan are happy and we feel that me and him are not moving too fast and if you think we are, then OH well! some people juss don't understand, it seems people seem to juss can't get through their head that maybe juss maybe out relationship is different that theirs. eerrrrrrr screw them!
right now im juss doin' laundry and i cooked lunch. pretty late but im waiting for my BF to get off of work so we can eat together and of to hula i go. i guess he's gonna stay home and sleep coz he's tired and well he'll juss come get me later.
OK ok ok... i juss ate a 'lil bit. i'm so hungry i haven't eaten all day.
suddenly, i have this headache and man i don't know where it came from. i was fine till now. i took medicine and i hope it goes away. gotta go for now....
the begining of my weekend...
09.13.03 (1:57 am) [edit][b]whats WAS playin[/b] Mya "My Love Is Like Whoa"
[b]what do i have to say[/b]
wow i haven't written in a while, sorry i was tryin to come out with a new layout and well, i didnt get a blog out in time. :?
well, my boyfriend [b]graduated[/b] from his class... :lol: well, yesterday now and now he's thinking about more school. i've been workin, he's been working! jeez i dunno.
we were going to go and watcha movie [b]together[/b] today and held back because we had to buy our tickets to california. :shock:
we went to get an [b]oil change [/b]today and man, does my car run alot better. now all we need is new tires. that's our next project.
Today, i [b]cut my hair[/b] ok ok ok if some of you guys see it.. u'll be like what's the difference. i cut off my [b]dead ends[/b] and wel got myself a $6.00 bottle of shampoo. it seems that every reason the i gave the hair stylist about my hair.. she said it was the [b]shampoo, shampoo and shampoo[/b] so i bought that $6.00 one hhah haaaa :roll: she gave me a free bottle of biosilk and well she kept calling it thermasilk hahaha :shock:
the point is after all my hair cut cost $13.00 :!:
today, seeing my BF graduating, made me [b]happy[/b] he said thanks for bein there i said :arrow: of course, i'll be there. why wouldn't i :?: it made me realize how much i mean to him and how much he means to me. :wink:
tonight we wrap up the night runniging errands, eating dinner, watchin tv and playing [b]bones. [/b]
... that's it for now, night!
Everything happens for a reason.
09.10.03 (12:00 am) [edit]i wrote this around new year... what ya think?
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. you never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know that every moment that you are with them, they will affect your life in some profound way. sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power or heart. Everything happens for a reason nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from.... in fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to. if someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to the little things. Make everday count appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. let yourself fall in love, even if it doesn`t seem right because you are too young or too far, just follow your heart. surround yourself with those who make you smile, laugh, and make you happy. break free and set your sights high. hold your head up because you have every right to. tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don`t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. create your own life then let go and live it!- - -
connections
09.09.03 (8:56 pm) [edit]what did i do? nuttin i didn't even get those thing done like said i would. i did but i didn't finish them all the way. errr, LoL it's OK there pretty much things i have already done, juss needed to catch up with them....
i met this fren of mine along time ago from this g-line hahhahaha i dont know if you guys know what that is but... it's like a chat room on a jacked voicemail hahaha no not partyline. well, later on down the years i get in touch with her through a fren of mine. she saw my e-mail addy one fren's e-mail to her. now we keep in touch some how... hehh eee
like this fren i know through that g-line, that my boyfriend's [b]sister[/b] knows...
like this [b]dude[/b] i used to chat with, that my boyfriend's [b]sister in-law[/b] use to go out with and my boyfriend knew.
[b]crazy shit...[/b] maybe if i go on that friendster.com i'll find old frens? HA- too lazy to keep 2 much pages. i'm tired..
ok I deleted like 3 people from my links.. they don't update anymore so.. yeah, that's the end of that!
gotta cook dinner soon... my babes is coming home soon. wooo hooo hahhaha
well, i gotta go take care of some things... i might come back
tired
09.09.03 (4:45 pm) [edit]i'm tired. i guess it's juss my body tryin to recooperate. i get like this all the time. i hate it. i always use up my energy. i didn't drink coffee today. i dont want to be dependanton it. i think it's too late!
that's alot of I's in my sentences, everything is about me. then again this is my blog hahahahaa.... well anyways... today... what am i going to do? 1. clean the house 2. RE-DO hula bills and call auntie candace 3. call jeannette about avon 4. call my sister in cali, i dont know we'll see
wirte more later!
i want you... babes
09.08.03 (11:54 pm) [edit]what's WAS playin Thalia "I Want You"
what's in my head
i want you too, babes.. hahahah yeah so what if it's gross to you. i don't give a fuck, LMAO! but yeah, some people aren't worth talkin to. juss too much run around. turns out there juss the way people treat them. can't you see.
i juss updated my sister's page PIA put up pixes and did some no right click codes, still tryin to find music for her. pia what do you want?
hahhaa, can't wait to go to cali jus to be away for a while, (juss the weekend though) ahn, can't wait to see you too!!! hahahah u crazy, sige kaya mo yan....
juss a short lil note for now... take kares.... god bless!
life and apartments...
09.08.03 (11:36 am) [edit]wow. it's monday. i know i haven't been writing too much stuff over the weekend and i guess i had a lot to do. i've been working a lot of double shifts up at the hospital. i got them to let me off sunday but i still had a family thing to do. errrrrr i really wanted to go back to hula. we started yesterday. ofcourse my cousin is sick, sorry jen get well soon. saturday was juss a day for me and allan. comin back from working a graveyard shift i stayed up late to watch tv, be on the PC and all that. i didn't wanna be awake while he was sleeping. so i finally slept like around 4 AM i guess he came home and said he couldn't sleep while i was muttering words, hahahahah, he was talking to me. so we didn't wake up till about 12 pm. we went looking for apartments and i guess these were okay. not as good as the first one's that i really liked. these ones charge more if you want to be on a higher level. where the other one was higher price but everything was clean and had security. allan says if the grass is green during the summer it's a good apartment facility. i was juss laughin' my ass of!!!!! but of course our move will not be till next year. gotta get some things going and clear out my debt ha haha a but anyways, i guess this place that i like, checks your credit. i still have to pay up my bank over draw that i had it's not that much 200.00. hehehe i tought it would be more but that's a resonable amount. sunday was kool after my mom's place. we went to joysha's i finally met her BF and she met mines. we stayed pretty late and went to sherri's to have dessert but i ended up having pancakes and ofcourse i didn't finish it. i gave them to allan. LoL! i'm so happy for joysha, i told you this would eventually come. you juss have to play the cards right and put yourself in a good situation. she made a good point, everyone around her seems to be happy. i know i am, fuck you if you think differenly! hmmmmmmm.... man, im here at work juss chillin so tired but the coffee helps! ok gotta go....
juss gettin home
09.06.03 (1:14 am) [edit]what WAS playin Fabulous "Into You"
what's in my head
OK OK i said it was TGIF, but no i worked my extra shift up at the hospital :wink:. missed kamalani's b-day party. errrr juss :x gettin home 40 mins go by bus. OK, so u're asking where's my car well it's at work with my man... yeah, like i said he workin the grave yard shift. so he wont be home till seven. i'm really tired but i dont wanna be awake while he is sleepin' so i'm try and tire myself out. so far i've been , i juss put the laundry in the dryer and folded some clothes. 8) that's right im kool
i guess you can say tomorrow is me and allan's day to kick it juss be together, but he wants to go hang out wiht JP and Christina to flow or sumthing. :lol: we'll see what happens.
i can't wait till we go to california. juss need a vacation. when you live on your own you dont have summer vacations anymore. hehhehheee :D
but yeah... i'm gonna go for now.. take care....wun luv
TGIF
09.05.03 (1:07 pm) [edit]it's almost lunch time i'm hungry. my babes brought me some food and he has to go to school and get his paycheck too (yipee, his first paycheck) and he juss called and i guess he's come eat lunch with me. gosh it's quiet around here during lunch, i love it when it's like this. but ofcourse, it's FRIDAY im so happy, but then, my babes has to work grave yard. and that might be his permanent position, till there is an earlier shift. i hope he finds another shift and stuff or maybe another job so we can have "afternoon time" to spend together.but i guess it all about the sacrifices we have to make till everything will be OK!
we went looking for apartments yesterday and well the place we really liked was going through credit and well that kinda sucks... but we're not planning on moving for a long time and it's a good time to get everything all settled. anyone wanna donate money?
my doctor visit
09.05.03 (11:58 am) [edit]ok so, I went to the doctor yesterday for abdominal pain that i have been having for the past couple months and we juss don't know what's goin on so i'm scheduled for a ultrasound or atleast i have an order to do that. and there latest appointment is 4:45 or so. :? damn, that means im gonna have to miss work and hopefully allan will off that day when i do get the procedure done. oh wait i have a great idea,:idea: i already have sept 12th off for allan's graduation MAYBE, i could go that day. :wink:
what a weirdo...
09.04.03 (12:36 pm) [edit]obviously someone is tryin to catch up on the hotblogs spot! HA haHH ahha I don’t know, how stupid to juss blog and not return any favors when people get you back. How are you juss going to keep on bloggin' juss so people can read you stuff? There are other ways to getting around this blog stuff. I don’t know I guess I have my own definition of a BLOG!!!
Errr, but anyways, why do I feel insecure about some certain things. I get scared that my babes will be tired of me or loose interest in me. Juss so hard to get it across my head that maybe he wont ever do that to me. Life is a challenge. I feel like I make things difficult all the time. I wonder if I'm still beautiful after all this crap(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) that happens…? I love you! (if your reading this)
I feel really good here at work. My leads are starting to respect me more. And seeing my abilities to do my job well.
ok well i gotta go.... for now.
MUSIK... dat's what's playin'
09.03.03 (10:11 pm) [edit]WAIT FOR SONG TO [i]DOWNLOAD[/i]
[b]what's playin'.....[/b] DA BRAT... I'M INLOVE WITH YOU
[b]what i'm contemplatin'.....[/b]
All I ever want is to be part of your heart,
And for us to be together, to never be apart.
No one else in the world can even compare,
You're perfect and so is this love that we share.
We have so much more than I ever thought we would,
I love you more than I ever thought I could.
I promise to give you all I have to give,
I'll do anything for you as long as I live.
In your eyes I see our present, our future and past,
By the way you look at me I know we will last.
I hope that one day you'll come to realize,
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.
[b]1 luv & God Bless[/b]
misc.. shit
09.03.03 (8:09 pm) [edit]damn... i accidently erased the whole thing i wrote. i didn't even know what key i used.
i miss allan, he's working his night shift. he's gonna be home a lil earlier though which is cool. i'm start cooking food for him to eat :lol:
wow... i juss a saw a great topic on one of the blogs on here by yesiam80 to look for love or wait for love. my take on that is [b]50/50[/b] [b]because.... you gotta wait for the the one your looking for.[/b] if you just look, then every person will be the right one. if you wait, you'll never find someone. so, [b]you gotta [/b]wait and [b]look for [/b]the right person! make sense.. i hope so. but i've fonud that one that loves me and [b]appreaciates[/b] me. he tells me how much [b]he loves[/b] me and how [b]beautiful[/b] i am. those little things count. i hope this is the end of the road for me and him? [b]happiness[/b] juss us. love you babes...
i'm doin [b]new stuff [/b]at work which doesn't make my job so boring and makes me not go the[b] internet [/b]and do my blog. i could get in trouble in the future :!:
my [b]sister[/b] had her baby.. i think on [b]my b-day [/b]or the day after i'll find out later.
today, i spent some time with [b]my birds[/b].... hahahah i think i need to do that more often. their [b]not squaking[/b] right now. maybe coz they got some attention from me.
well... anyways.. i think that's all i gotta say for now... [b]1 luv...[/b]
hehhe.. new colors
09.02.03 (11:23 pm) [edit]ok, i lied i said i'd stay wit the colors black and white but i couldn't help but change it. my lil sis PIA gave me this idea... i liked her color scheme so i look for a more neutral color. instead of blues purples etc... well i'm ready for bed. waiting for allan to get home so we can eat... i'm gonna be making dinner and stuff. so we can have some sit down time together. we ate lunch today and we try and take advantage of it, since he started school and his intern. love you babes.
speaking of my sister. she is so grown up now... a little girl taking about love... i guess we all have feeling like that. OK my babes should be on his way home. so i'm gonna go for now... if you guys have a better idea for a color scheme let me know...
nite [b]PEAZZZZZZZ![/b]
his poem for me
09.02.03 (12:48 pm) [edit][b]the way i feel[/b]
the way i feel is purely real
i place you in my heart,
without you my life don't exist
spending my life with you is well worth the investment
now that i have you there is no replacement
always alli want is your presence
i see you as the essence in my life
like the importance of breathing
when i look into your eyes, in my eyes the beauty is pleasing
when my eyes are open, you're always worth seeing
when i'm asleep, it is you,
who im dreaming of, from the tought in the day
the way we both feel, is the reason why i stay
my love for you will continue to grow everyday
night and day!
by: Allan
my 2 day weekend.. YEA that's right!
09.02.03 (11:41 am) [edit]aloha!!! what a weekend... i had to work saturday. so yea.. hahhaah LOL i'm still tired and recovering. well, the club was kool. i haven't been around that scene in a long time. it was first time for me and allan to go together. the feeling of him right there next to me was great. :wink:
well monday, we had dinner at my mom's house. i stayed there the whole day and allan had to [b]work[/b] so, we went a lil earlier to my mom's and when he came back he had dinner. i brought my computer over the and i didn't even really use it. i had my sis and my dro and cousins use it. my sister has a TBLOG now. she' understanding the concept of HTML… even though I know so little. at my mom's i ended up doing my sister's nails like 3 times, worked on that html stuff and did make-up with her and I soaked my feet, with some TV watching in between.
i just went to go get coffee at starbucks. safeway coffee does not wake me up. starbucks is great.
it' funny how sibilings act. how they love eachother and well then the next one hates the other for no apparent reason. the 2 are different and you can not force one to act a certain way. when that is her personality. the way you act infront of your family is totally different from the way you act in public. scolding someone and judging them especially if you have faults is not you discretion. but what do I know!!! :roll: